Logan at home watching the Grammy's...

Jake
in
the glow

February

well, February is almost over. 2008. Not sure how I feel about it. Not the greatest month, in my opinion. None of my sons are in the house now. This is a first in over 21 years for me. I have none of my children living with me.

Brad and I haven't had the most pleasant month either. Stress about Logan's house arrest and everything around that.

We had a phone fight on Saturday night. I honestly do not know when I have ever done that. I yelled. Shouted. You know, when a person feels that something dear to them is being threatened...they can become threatening. The things we hold dear. The things we hold dear. They will always..eventually..be challenged. How tightly will you hold on. How tightly will I hold on. That is what scares me. I tend to let go. I have always let go. This time...this time...I cannot watch that happen. I better not let that happen. Don't you see...that's all. I'm trying to teach you about me...about who I am and what are my tendencies...so you can be forewarned. Oh, please, don't be foolish with my feelings, thoughts, openness, honesty, transparency. Please don't be foolish with me. I may seem easy. But I can become hard.

I don't want that.