Wednesday, February 10, 2016

paola



Paola, Kansas  2 8 16


“I hate this town.”
I said that today.
As I sat in the Circle C Cafe.
With Brad.
I had just eaten an open-faced, hot turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes and gravy. I was looking at the grimy plaques on the wall—each one with cute, smartass sayings that I can’t seem to remember now but as I recall there was one in the women’s restroom that said something like, “Behind every successful rancher is a woman who works in town.” Something like that.
Paola. That’s where I am right now. Still in my clothes but under the covers, sitting up in a hotel bed with my laptop and a plastic cup of cranberry juice
To my left on the night stand.
This is the town that took my son.
This is the town—and the reason I’m here now—because he lives here with his wife and his newborn daughter, Brooklyn. We drove from St. Joe, IN to stay here a week. To see my son and to meet my brand new granddaughter. She is so tiny and so full of character already. I can tell. She is a treasure—a wonderful treasure. And I know she will bring so much joy and life to my son and his wife. I’m so glad.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

maybe its time for a new blog

maybe its time for a new blog
because i just read some posts from this one
and its just a little nauseating, to be honest

Saturday, March 3, 2012

i love the representation

This is a picture from a few months ago...
guacamole--all gone--in a white bowl.
paints
brushes
holga
tea
creating around the table
together.
I love it.
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I hate what I did 12 years ago---8 years ago---6 years ago. I hate it. I'm very glad I hate it. That means I am changing. That means I have changed. God, my loving guide gives me grace to live with it. I am humbled. I humble myself before his mighty power and he lifts me up in due time. Many days I'm not sure I can live. Then I humble myself before him. I feel so bad for the pain I caused. I am reminded every hour, minute---memories. Humble myself. I am not the one who lifts myself up. God does that in his time.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Laying Out

Today I went for a 4.8 mile walk. (Why must I be so exact about that...I almost said 5 mile walk, but that didn't seem honest..and yet, I didn't want to say 4 and a half because that would leave me short a few tenths...) 


Anyway.

After my walk and once I had arrived back at the house--I just wasn't ready to go inside. I decided to sit back in the "anti-gravity chair" given to me by parents for Mother's Day--and something I just don't use very often. I sat down, leaned back and closed my eyes. I took off my shoes. I rolled up my shorts.

Suddenly.

I was 13 again. Laying out in my backyard. In Decatur, Illinois--the summer of 1975. I can hear "Rikki, don't lose that number..you don't wanna call nobody else...Send it off in a letter to yo-our-or self" The sun embraced my mind and allowed me to feel the feelings I felt back then and allowed me to think the thoughts I thought back then. 

This was incredible. An incredible discovery.

My friends and I used to lay out for hours. Laying out was something you could do anywhere as long as you were in the sun. Plus, there was something about arranging your blanket or towel so that you were "facing the sun." This was very, very important. Many times we would get up and move our blanket or towel as the sun moved it's position in the sky.

While laying out I could dream of so many things. Of how dark and lovely I would be by the end of the day. Of how I would likely meet a gorgeous guy who would be totally enamored with my beauty--and who would understand me--and see me for the very unique, beautiful, creative young girl that I was. I could dream of many things--13 year old girl dreams. 14 year old girl dreams. 15 year old girl dreams. Hope, unaffected. Belief, untested.

Today I was transported and it was magical. It is amazing how the warmth of the sun on closed eyelids can conjure up so many innocent memories. And, I know that if I had the scent of iodine mixed with baby oil (a concoction we used to rub on our skin to make us darker...)----well, I would probably slip away...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” Pablo Picasso

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Exile

Jeremiah 29 has been brought to my attention lately.


Letter to the exiles in Babylon--deported from Jerusalem--the holy city--to Babylon.
  • build
  • settle down
  • plant and eat
  • marry
  • have children
  • have grandchildren
You must increase there and not decrease.
Work for the good of the city to which I have exiled you.

I am and have been an exile.

Pray to Yahweh on behalf of the city of my exile.
When the period of time granted to the city of my exile is over, Yahweh will intervene on my behalf and fulfill His favorable promise to me by bringing me back.

"Yes, I know what plans I have in mind for you," Yahweh declares, "plans for peace, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."
--------------------------------------------------

Amy lost her baby early this morning.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Time of No Reply by Nick Drake

Summer was gone and the heat died down
And Autumn reached for her golden crown
I looked behind as I heard a sigh
But this was the time of no reply.

The sun went down and the crowd went home
I was left by the roadside all alone
I turned to speak as they went by
But this was the time of no reply.

The time of no reply is calling me to stay
There is no hello and no goodbye
To leave there is no way.

The trees on the hill had nothing to say
They would keep their dreams till another day
So they stood and thought and wondered why
For this was the time of no reply.

Time goes by from year to year
And no one asks why I am standing here
But I have my answer as I look to the sky
This is the time of no reply.

The time of no reply is calling me to stay
There`s no hello and no goodbye
To leave there is no way

Furry family

Keiko--the 8 month old baby
Ody, the house cat.
Achilles..daydreaming in the chicken coop.
Meika, Keiko's tired mommy.
Stormy, the beautiful rain-cloud colored kitten.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Logan

Logan is back...he is upstairs sleeping...he talked to me tonight in the car...just chatted.  I was glad.  I am glad.

Friday, September 24, 2010

I am going to be a grandma!!!!

I just cannot imagine holding this little baby...in 8 months...oh...wow! Clint and Amy are going to have a baby! They just told me on Monday and it definitely hasn't sunk in yet..... ((((smiling))))

Saturday, November 28, 2009


I am trying to think this way: Interpret the moment. Give to the moment. Experience the moment. When my mind wanders from the moment into the past or into the future--I cheat myself of the scents, sounds, knowledge, understanding, delight, opportunities... that exist right now....and in turn deprive those who are here right now of sharing with me the experience of these things and so much more...Love now. Give now. Be alive now.

bluest blue sky

bluest blue sky
branches meet sky with sunshine

some of my favorite people....and things

  • the sky
  • the scent of a woodshop
  • Mister Brad
  • Logan's sun bleached blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes
  • jared's honesty
  • jacob matthew
  • green tea
  • clinton's humor
  • babies
  • anything sweet and fluffy

About Me

My photo
St. Joe, indiana, United States
Mother of 4 boys - married - interested in writing, creating, cooking, learning about our Creator, keeping commitments, loving people...